meaningless abstractions

For the record July 5, 2009

Have you ever looked into yourself only to feel as if you were looking into nothing?

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안녕 그 한마디 말에 무색해지는 수많은 약속
실로 가벼운 관계의 무게
하찮은 존재와 기대를 위한 참회
결국 거룩하고 고귀했던 영혼과 육체의 관계는
영원에서 순간으로
아낌없이 주는 나무에서 마몬으로
– Nell

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Maybe it is possible to be content but not happy, or alive but not feel alive, or I’m just splitting semantic hairs–the old argument that goes nowhere–and I know this makes little sense. If it is possible to not think of happiness as something that must be attained, something without which life cannot be lived, then life would be much easier. Pure happiness seems idealistic, and if anything the world drags us down like it fell Icarus to the sea if we dare to go too high…And I’ll wake up tomorrow and this will go on, perhaps the waves will subside.

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At some point you have to believe that what you do is essentially equivalent to what you want to do or what you choose to do. But this seems little more than a cognitive illusion, a desperate attempt at explaining life. To say that you believe in something is one thing, while to actually believe in it is something else entirely. I may think that what I do (what I have to do?) is what I want to do, what I choose to do, but that doesn’t have to be true, does it? If it is possible to answer such a question concisely, to clearly articulate to yourself why you get up every morning and do not stay in bed, then I have not been able to do so yet. Maybe that would be too easy, maybe that is impossible.

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What exactly is pretense and what exactly is sincerity anyway? Is there a distinction? It’s one thing to type this in front of a computer screen, and it’s something entirely different to talk to someone face to face…

Again July 2, 2009

Hello wordpress.

(11:50) Headaches and thunderstorms do not go together.

The Power of Wikipedia January 8, 2009

Economic Community of Central African States –> Libreville –> Gabon –> CFA franc –> Chad –> Logone Occidental region –> Moundou –> Poitiers –> Romania